Dealing with Divorce

Unfortunately in today's society divorce is something that affects almost everyone. Even if you are fortunate enough to avoid divorce yourself, you might have grown up in a broken family or have had close friends or relatives go through a divorce.  Divorce happens when couples feel they can no longer live together due to fighting and anger, or because the love they had when they married has changed. Divorce can also be because one parent falls in love with someone else, and sometimes it is due to a serious problem like drinking, abuse, or gambling.

When going through the stages of divorce you may find yourself spending time believing that if you do or say the right thing your spouse will come home. there may also be times when you feel panic, rage, and numbness or like you are going crazy. You may swing between despair that your marriage is over and hope that it will be restored. Most people experience some common fears when thinking about their future alone. You may wonder how you are going to survive. Will you ever find love again, will the pain ever end or will you feel this way the rest of your life are all feelings you may experience during different times of the divorce process. There is no instruction book to make divorce painless and simple, but there are some steps to learn how to deal with divorce and the the changes that divorce brings. Take the time needed to heal from the divorce and those feelings of loss. Try to look inward and own your responsibility in the problems that led to divorce. Forgive yourself and your spouse and don’t let the issues from this marriage follow you into new relationships.

Some times the best we can do is to just take it one day at a time. You may find yourself just going through the motions and feel like you are in a daze. While this feeling is perfectly normal, don't allow yourself to remain in this stage too long. Talking to friends and relatives can be helpful but don't be shy about getting some professional counseling. Don't like financial worries keep you from getting some help. Check with your HR department and see if your work offers any therapy options. Check with your community resources or visit the pastor from your church. They is free help in every community, you just have to do a little research to find it. If there are children involved in the divorce be sure to get some counseling for them too. Most children feel the divorce is their fault at some level and need to talk with an impartial counselor to work out their feelings.

Try some of these ideas to help get through the stages of divorce:

• Remember the bad times (but don't forget the good): "If there are moments when you want to run back to him because you feel as though you can't survive on your own financially (or emotionally), you have to stay strong.
• Say no to seduction: "Sex with the ex? Whatever he says and however he looks, stand firm and don't even let him wish!"
• Treat yourself: "You are going through a hard time and you need to remember to pamper yourself and take a little time for yourself.
• Keep your gripes to yourself: You and spouse are divorcing because you can't agree on fundamental issues. Learn to stop wasting your time complaining to your ex spouse and trying to change him. His behavior is no longer your problem so instead of arguing with him, learn to let go.
• Take some time to get to know yourself and appreciate the independence you now have. Change is always stressful and scary but count the victories every time you accomplish something you thought you couldn't do on your own. Start watching the television shows you want to watch, kill a bug or spider on your own, take a class or join a gym, fix meals you want to eat and smile at each new adventure!
• Exercise daily: Exercise helps reduce stress and gives off endorphins to raise your mood. A nice side effect of exercise is that you may lose some weight and that can help improve your self image.
• Remind yourself that the pain won't last forever! Set goals and start planning for a new and improved life!