Empty Nest Syndrome

Empty nest syndrome is a general feeling of loneliness that you may feel as a parent or guardian when one or more of your children leave home or get married. After the kids have left home, you will notice some changes in your home and lives. Some are great, some are sad. Being aware of what's different and how those makes you feel is an important step in avoiding the negative aspects of the empty nest syndrome. The good news is that with good communication and preparation  the empty nest years can be tremendously enjoyable and full of new beginnings.

It's natural for a mother to feel some sadness when her child leaves home. It is quite normal to have a little weep now and again – or even go into the absent child's bedroom and sit there for a bit in an attempt to feel closer to him or her. So don't be ashamed of your feelings - they are natural. When a woman is at the stage in life where her kids are leaving, she may also be going through other major changes, such as dealing with the menopause or trying to cope with increasingly dependent elderly parents.

When your child leaves home, you'll obviously want to keep in touch with him or her. But don't try and do this excessively. Be sensitive to the fact that your son or daughter is trying to take a big, significant step in life. This is a special time for your child. They may stretching their wings and learning to be independent for the first time. Your child is going through a big change in their life and may have fears and doubts while away from home. They will need your support, but will not want to feel overwhelmed by you. The more you cling or show that you're upset, the less likelihood there is of him or her contacting you. Ration your calls to no more than two a week. Also, try texting or using email instead of phoning. You'll be able to put your feelings succinctly without getting too emotional. This form of communication will probably suit your child better, too. It's much easier for a young person to say 'I really miss you' in a message rather than on the phone, when other students might be listening. If your child is having a miserable time at university or college, do resist the impulse to be pleased about this! And don't suggest that he or she gives up and comes home. Plenty of teenagers are very miserable and lonely for a couple of weeks, but they deal with it. And that is a great accomplishment. So be supportive, but don't sort everything for them - and certainly don't try to bring them back home.

Many suggest preparing for an empty nest while your children are still living with you. Develop friendships, hobbies, career, and educational opportunities. Make plans with the family while everyone is still under the same roof, so you don't regret lost opportunities: Plan family vacations, enjoy long talks, take time off from work. And make specific plans for the extra money, time, and space that will become available when children are no longer dependent on you and living at home. Did you ever have dreams that you put on the back burner, and said to yourself, "Maybe when the kids are grown?" Now is the time to bring those dreams out, brush them off, and move forward. Maybe you had always thought about going back to school or starting a business. Whatever it is, know that it is never to late. Remember, Moses was 80 years old when he led the Israelites out of Egypt.

When a child's departure unleashes overwhelming sadness, treatment is definitely needed. Discuss your feelings with your general practitioner as soon as possible. You may need antidepressants, and you almost certainly could use some counseling to get your feelings into perspective.

I am reminded of the verse in Ecclesiastes 3:4, which says, " A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance." Let this be your time to laugh and your time to dance. Life is a journey and empty nest syndrome is just a very small adjustment.